Sometimes I have this dream where I'm supposed to be somewhere. Somewhere important. But I can't get there. Either I'm taking too long getting ready or my feet are stuck to the floor and I can't move. And when I finally do get there, everyone's gone. I've missed it. The party's over.
I hate having that dream. I always wake up feeling frustrated. Surely I could have done something differently, moved quicker, anything to make me get there on time.
Lately I've been feeling like I'm living out that dream. As a mom of young kids, I'm constantly wanting to make things special for them. Especially around the holidays. I've been working so hard to make sure every special meal is cooked, every tradition is carried out, every item on their Christmas list is wrapped and placed under the tree.
And as hard as I work, I'm still coming up short. We didn't get to do everything I had hoped we would do this holiday season. It came and went, and it left me feeling like my feet have been stuck, not quite able to make it to that perfect moment I have in my head.
Christmas Eve found me cooking and baking all day. Yes, I loved it, but I knew I was getting sick. And by Christmas morning, I was out for the count. I wanted to scream. All these weeks of working and preparing for this one day and my body decided to poop out on me just when I needed good health the most.
But what I got from my Christmas spent sick was perspective. I want my children to have magical memories. But I also want to control those moments. I want them to be wearing the cutest outfits, I want the pictures that are taken to be of them laughing and getting along, I want each special meal I cook to come out perfectly and not take me all day. But that isn't realistic. It'd be awesome, sure, but that will never happen. What I get is snotty noses wiped on my sweater when my kids are giving me a hug. A messy kitchen and burnt cookies. A home where it is impossible to walk through without tripping over a toy. In my pursuit to find perfection in my life, I've been missing the good stuff. I've lost sight of the every day moments.
You see, I've worked so hard to get there, but what I didn't realize is that I'm missing the party.
In this new year to come, I want to wake up every day and remind myself to find the beauty in my every day life. I want to go to bed every night and thank God that I get to spend each day with my family. And I want to stop standing still, stop trying to achieve an unobtainable idea of perfection, and enjoy the party.
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